Seniors enroll in adulting 101


By Karen Pegueros

Illustration by Ainsley Davis

Parents and family members cry tears of joy when they see their seniors walking to get that golden ticket that symbolizes entering the adult world. For the graduates, their tears mean something completely different: they will never walk these hallowed halls again, they will soon have to do their own laundry, and they have no idea what they’re going to do. Alas, it is time they start their own journeys and venture out into the cruel, dark world called adulthood.

Coming out of high school, everyone realizes they know nothing imperative to life. Four years of secondary education, and they still haven’t learned what they need to do to survive in the real world. Unless knowing “the mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell” and “SOH CAH TOA” helps one become a killer lawyer, life from here on out is going to be difficult. All this talk about taxes, budgeting, and maintaining a home without burning it down is too much. It was only a few days ago that graduates still had to ask permission to use the restroom; now it’s time for them to make serious decisions that mandate the rest of their lives.

Millennials have taught us the only option is winging it.

Blowing through an entire life savings within the first week is inevitable, and the only way to save money is by wearing the same shirt everyday. It’s not like anyone ever learned how to use the dang washing machine anyways that always hides that favorite shirt and eats one sock at a time to the point where matching socks is impossible.

Fast-forward a few years, to find roommates that may eat all the cereal or other house staples, but regardless, are for the most part nice – unless something disrupts their Korean dramas. The novelty of that tattoo Mom said not to get that itched with infection the same day it was stitched on quickly died. That expensive gym membership was good money wasted that could have bought a year of Netflix or 31 boxes of Velveeta cheese including tax. For some reason that random gust of motivation that was expected never arrived.

When exhaustion hits, shutting off the phone and going to sleep is lame; instead, chug several Monsters, Red Bulls, or other sort of caffeinated liquids. Mom isn’t here to lecture anyone anymore about drinking too many energy drinks, using the microwave too much, or eating on the bed, but beware of the “Freshman 15.” It is not a myth, and neither are bed bugs.

As the seniors tip their caps and move their tassels from right to left, the adult world gains more and more brave souls. Have fun and good luck out there. Remember, when in doubt, cry it out.