It’s CLOWNentine’s Day

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By Lorin Alukonis

Illustration by Ellis Sondrup

Arguably the “best” time of year has rolled around once again– the one almost every single person despises, Valentine’s Day. The fluffy bears, heart-shaped chocolates and bouquets of roses make me gag every time thinking about it. February 14th single handedly makes those who don’t have a hand to hold rethink every decision in their life. So, if you haven’t caught onto the gist yet, let me make this clear for my precious readers– Valentine’s Day is absolutely awful if you don’t have a significant other. 

Let’s start off with the most obvious reason; the whole day is surrounded by appreciating the one you hold dearest, but what if you don’t have anyone to hold? You know the saying, “Love is in the air.” Well someone is clearly lying because either I’m not breathing in the laced oxygen or no one has confessed their feelings for me. I mean c’mon where are you love birds finding each other especially during a pandemic. This is the least likely time for you to meet someone and become their boyfriend/girlfriend! Honestly, this whole holiday is not fair if you don’t have someone to celebrate it with, so let’s just cancel it until next year when I can hopefully check off the box that says “I’m in a relationship”. Key word here is hopefully. 

Oh! To make matters worse, the second you wake up all you see on your phone is social media posts of people with their lovers. My whole day is ruined when that’s the first thing I see after I open my eyes in the morning. Not only when I FIRST pick up my phone, but for the rest of the day there are constant reminders saying “Haha we are so cool we have someone to smooch today,” like alright I get it. I know how much you love your boyfriend, Stephanie, but posting 20 videos of him isn’t going to make anyone care. Honestly, someone should call the CEO’s of big social media platforms and tell them to shut it down just for 24 hours, so I can live out my day in peace. 

Although social media can make any single person immediately a Debby Downer, going out into public is a whole different ball game. First off, restaurants. Any kind of sit-down restaurant is going to be absolutely packed with couples going on dates. What if I want to go to Olive Garden and eat their amazing endless breadsticks, what do I see? Proposals, girls faking laughs when their partner forgets it’s the special day, maybe even couples sitting next to each other and talking side to side. Who does that? Why wouldn’t you sit across from someone when eating, rather than thinking “Hey, you know what, I’m going to sit right next to you and eat my Fettuccine Alfredo and make you uncomfortable with my chewing noises.” Was that too specific?… anyways. The point is you can’t escape Valentine’s Day, even when deciding to leave the house.

What about the moments leading up to the lovey dovey day? Ever since New Years, grocery stores, pharmacies and chain restaurants have been offering heart-shaped treats and big red balloons for purchase. For months, the local stores have been pushing the idea that you need to have a significant other by a certain day. We are taught at a young age to avoid peer pressure of substances, but have you been outside during February? That’s just not peer pressuring, that’s everybody pressuring. Even some businesses promote deals to those in relationships all because some random holiday tells you that you should be in one. Truthfully, it’s all gotta be bogus. 

What is the point of even complaining anymore? It won’t change the fact that I don’t have a jumbo teddy bear on my bed. To all those celebrating this Sunday with their lover, I hope you understand how lucky you are to have someone to spend it with. Stay safe and enjoy binge-eating those sugary treats with your true love– even you, Stephanie. Just please stop posting so much.

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Lorin Alukonis, junior, is excited for her first year as the features editor on “The Roar” news staff. She enjoys playing club and high school volleyball in her free time as well as late night drives with her friends. Her favorite types of music to listen to are indie pop and throw-back 2000s songs; she also loves meeting new people and becoming friends with everyone. One of her life goals is to explore Europe and learn about the fascinating history and culture.