By Ellis Sondrup
Winter has rolled around again, and everybody’s favorite activities are back. Yeah, you know them all too well–skiing and snowboarding. What else would you choose, sledding?
Skis are obviously superior. That’s a given. Why spend all day sitting on the top of the mountain trying to get your foot back into the binding on your snowboard when you could be flying down the mountain four more times? Snowboarders might as well have lunch up there-they’re certainly comfortable on their butts.
Don’t even get me started on what goes down in the park. With the rails and jumps, it’s a skate park for snow. Oh boy! This is the area where all amateur snowboarders suddenly become professionals. The GoPros come out, and the angle of their pictures is suddenly really important. Go ahead, you’ve got to do anything for a decent shot when you’re only six inches off the ground after that jump. If you think the top of the slopes are bad for sitting, you’ve never been in the park. There are more people on the ground than in the air. I’m not sure that’s how it’s supposed to work.
If you need me, I’ll be flying down the slopes three times as much as the snowboarders because I can actually move on my skis. When I get down, I don’t have to unlatch one foot and try to push myself to the lift. At least they’re burning more calories doing their awkward shuffle than just sitting on top of the mountain. I didn’t know the base of the mountain was the place to break into the Cha-Cha slide. I’ll keep my poles thank you very much.
Ok, I’ll admit, snowboarding boots are much more comfortable. You can actually walk in them instead of doing that strange, rhythmic walk, struggling to get back to the lodge. However, the bruises on your shins are just a small price to pay for a day of exhilaration, am I right? My ski boots give me speed to bomb it all the way down the hill.
At least skiers have the class to not smoke in the lift lines. A ski resort is a public place, right? There are designated smoking areas where I am fine if you take your smoke break, but there is never anybody there. Then, waiting for the lift there is, without fail, a random cloud every couple minutes from the snowboarder two lines over. Come on dude, we all know you’re doing it. I’ll return to my nice, warm cabin to the hot shower that is awaiting me after my day on the slopes. I’ll take some hot chocolate and a movie over your cotton candy cloud any day.
We can all get along though, right? That is of course until I race you down the mountain and win by a minute and a half. Oh, and I’ll be on my way back down before you get your foot back in the binding and get back on the lift.