Here’s the thing– music is extremely telling. If someone tells me what their favorite type of music is, I could probably come up with their entire life story and know everything about them. Everyone thinks they’re the exception and that they don’t fall into the stereotypes, but let me tell you Stephanie, Rex Orange County is not an underground artist, and you ARE like other girls.
For those of you who insist on only listening to garbage SoundCloud rap, I have only one thing to request. Please don’t try to make your own track! You don’t know how to rhyme, and you will not be the next big thing. There are already so many people flooding the app with unsettling lyrics and weird backtracks just in hopes that they can make their way to L.A. to have dinner at Saddle Ranch and get stopped by Hollywood Fix. I’d like to meet one person that listens to Soundcloud rap regularly who is a normal person with normal aspirations.
Now, if your taste is at least a little better than Soundcloud rap, and you listen to regular rap, I can respect that, just please remember that you aren’t instantly the “hardest” person around. You live in Green Valley, and most likely have your parents paying for your BMW, so I don’t think your life is that difficult. Instead, appreciate your luxuries, and enjoy the music that can literally make anyone feel the most powerful and on top of their game. Blasting I.V. Sweatpants in your car doesn’t change the fact that you’re driving at 35 miles per hour down Paseo Verde.
Calling all “Indie Kids!” News Flash! You guys are all the same! Mac Demarco, Tame Impala and Clairo are great artists, don’t get me wrong, but you’re not super quirky and original if you feature them on your playlists. I enjoy a good Wallows song as much as the next coffee addicted teen girl, but I’ve had to come to terms with the fact that I’m not the only one who loves to thrift and sit at a park reading while trying to act mysterious. There are three other girls sitting across the field doing the same thing, and we’re probably all wearing the same overpriced Doc Martens.
Howdy to all my country listeners! As much as I want to come for you, I feel like you already get enough hate for your music taste, and I’d be lying if I said I didn’t enjoy Luke Bryan’s “Country Girl” every now and then. Just please, I beg of you, don’t go waving your American flag outside of your pickup truck. You really are not helping your case, and people will not hold back their opinions. Listen to your music freely, but you don’t need to let everyone know on your story that Luke Combs came out with a new song; other country listeners will already know, and no one else cares. Also girls, just because Carrie Underwood dug her key into the side of his “pretty little souped up four wheel drive” does not mean that you can too. There are better ways to cope, so maybe ditch your earbuds for a minute, and go do some yoga.
To all my party animals who blast EDM or dance music, I just know you go hard in everything you do. School, work, social life, you do everything at your top level because you have your bumping music supporting you on all your endeavors. Zedd and Louis the Child are the perfect artists to blare as you go on all your crazy adventures and live your life to the fullest. Not everyone can be on your level, so just understand, you may need to take it down a few notches sometimes. However, I know I’d want to be your friend if your playlist is filled with EDM.
Finally, for my pop and radio music listeners, I really don’t have anything bad to say. You know what you like and what you like is clearly popular. You’ve chosen the simple route. Whether you have your phone or not doesn’t matter because all your music is safe inside your car stereo. Wherever you go, you can switch to the local Hits station, and jam out to your tunes. I bet, like your music taste, you stay on top of the trends and you’re liked by all. Pretty much any music listener switches on the radio in desperate times and can enjoy whatever is playing. Pop music is called pop music for a reason, so good choice.
And a special little editor’s note to those who are obsessed with One Direction and are clinging on to the fact that they said they’ll be back: It’s going to be okay. I’m here for you, and I’m right alongside you. Ignore the fact that 18 months has turned into 5 years. Louis said “this is not the end,” and I’m choosing to believe him. For now, enjoy all their solo stuff, and be grateful that music is forever because at least you can replay their five albums over and over again.