By Oliver Van Aken
As the Covid-19 vaccines are becoming more popular so are reasons as to why you shouldn’t take them. However, do you get the food from Sonic? If you do, then I can certainly say that you don’t need to worry about what is in the vaccine if your body can soldier through the Mesquite Butter Bacon Cheeseburger.
The American public is slow to realize the biological immunity we’ve built up after years of enduring our god-given freedoms in the form of non-sustainable and pollution-filled cultural norms. By examining Las Vegas, it’s clear our little patch of the Mojave isn’t exempt from the American cesspool either. Have you been to Fremont Street?
A key foundation of a childhood in Las Vegas is visiting the AdventureDome at Circus Circus, a fully indoor theme park with poor ventilation and the occasional active shooter. It’s safe to say if you’ve ridden on one of the few water rides at the Adventuredome and got splashed by the running streams of the mildewy water, you’re safe from the Covid vaccine. The same goes for if you’ve ever visited a luxurious pool at one of the resorts on the Strip. Those pools are filled with tourists from all corners of the world– tourists who also carry and release everything from all corners of the world. In addition, you’ll often find a beer can floating down the lazy river, or even a watered-out cigarette butt clogging the filter. Odds are, if you’ve ever gone down to Las Vegas Blvd. to refresh yourself during a hot summer day, you don’t need to worry about what’s in the vaccine.
Truth of the matter is our schools have also trained us for the Covid vaccine. Remember waiting in those long lines during lunch, only for a styrofoam tray with green slop, yellow slop, stale bread, and a chocolate TruMoo to garnish it all? I personally don’t know where those pizzas came from, but I have pretty substantial evidence to claim that it is not Papa John’s. However, respect is due to this food because, during the time from kindergarten to senior year, it has made us immune to whatever is in the vaccine. Another immunity benefit CCSD has provided us is the gradual decline in cleanliness. They start us off easy with the clean and pristine elementary bathrooms, then to the moderately healthy middle school bathrooms, but the final trial is the high school bathrooms we all know and fear. The common Juul pod, the rare crushed Modelo can, and the unforgettable toilet bowls have made us insusceptible and uncompromisable by whatever is in that vaccine.
There are other common examples of why we shouldn’t be worried about what’s in the Covid vaccine. The years of abuse our bodies have taken from the Taco Bell Quesarito, the constant exposure to unclean gas pumps, and especially experiencing the 115-degree heat for a quarter of the year have boosted our immunity drastically. Las Vegas residents have no reason to doubt their ability to intake the Covid vaccine. In fact, we should be first in line for the vaccine as it will get us back to our dirty pools, questionable cafeteria food, and interesting school bathrooms that we know and love.