by Brianna Gracia
Roses are red, violets are blue, if I see another promposal, I’m going to blow a fuse.
Prom is less than a month away, and with Cupid’s Arrow flying around in this love-filled air, it’s only a matter of time before the dreaded promposals populate the school’s campus. Decorated in neon letters and heaps of glitter, those signs are soon going to light up the hallways, blinding the innocent singles who don’t really want to mingle.
I’m not saying promposals are silly. In fact, I myself am a passionate hopeless romantic. But whatever happened to just going up to someone and asking, “Hey, you want to go to prom with me, Bob?” There, easy, done. All in a matter of ten words. Instead, people drag themselves through the painful struggle of throwing together a poster and gathering the guts to go ask someone to prom in one dramatic, theatrical presentation. That sounds like a little too much stress if you ask me.
Speaking of which, who said prom was all about romance? Prom is an event where people can hang out, be goofballs, and make memories. Friends are just as valuable, if not better, to attend Prom with. Especially if the date in mind is someone you don’t hang out with on a daily basis, it can become an awkward occasion you’ll bury in the deepest, darkest parts of your brain. All I’m saying is when you’re eighty years old with ten grandkids and a variety of back problems, it’s the chaotic memories that you’ve made with close companions rather than some date you thought was relatively “cute” in your high school years that you’ll remember.
“But promposals are what make it special!” some may harp from the heavens. Sorry to crack your rose-tinted lenses, but most of the time, promposals tend to be cheesy and cringe-worthy. In fact, I’ve composed a tier list to prove just how gag-inducing they can be. It’s called, “Brianna’s Guide to the Sickeningly Sweet.” The first tier, aka Hallmark Tier, are cornier than cornbread, but don’t push you to the point of throwing up. Second is the Bachelorette Tier, where the only reason people are smiling at the promposal is because they don’t want to be mean. Finally, there’s Ostrich Tier, where the absurd level of cringe-worthiness inflicts pure pain on those who are forced to witness, leading them to stuff their heads into the ground. Do you want your prom date or your crush to spend hours vomiting rainbows into a toilet bowl because you subjected them to the most awkward, glitter filled, cringe-worthy, unnecessary promposal? I don’t think so.
If you have a significant other, there are plenty of other ways to show you care than some cheesy prom poster you probably asked your friends to make. Don’t lie; I know very well some of you go-getters aren’t the artsy type. Instead of investing so much time, energy, and secondhand embarrassment on a promposal, go touch some grass, take a breath, and ground yourself in reality. Sometimes, it’s not a cheesy promposal your crush is looking for, but a simple question: “Will you go to prom with me?”