Turtles take priority

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By Lorin Alukonis

Illustration by Ellis Sondrup

Officials say that the Earth is rapidly dying due to fossil fuels burning and climate change, but like whatever, we all know it’s obviously because of our plastic straw usage. Seriously, straws make up four percent of plastic in the ocean, so a change needs to be made. Let’s forget about the plastic water bottles and bags that produce the majority of pollution because the only thing that harms sea turtles are straws. They get stuck up their noses, and they can’t breathe because of ignorant people buying cherry Slurpees from 7/11.

If you don’t view saving the turtles as the top priority right now then get away from me. You “care” about real environmental problems, that’s cute. You really want me to believe the little Amazon rainforest fire matters, sure it creates 20% of oxygen on Earth, but you can always plant more trees. It’s so shallow for anyone to focus on “serious environmental disasters” rather than saving these beautiful animals.

I am making such a great change and lasting effect when it comes to reducing plastic in the ocean. First of all, I’m advocating my seven Twitter followers because by just stating the problem, it’s fixed. When I drink my Starbucks Frappuccino with my $15 metal straw, well, I am such a great influence to the other coffee lovers. If a straw was already unwrapped and perfectly usable, it still needs to be thrown away because any circumstances to use it is unacceptable. For real, what kind of monster uses a plastic straw. This obviously consists of an inhumane sea turtle murderer that worries about “insufficient air quality.”

Some people won’t even get their lazy selves a metal straw. All jokes aside, who do you think you are? Don’t tell me that “money is short right now” or “I don’t have extra money for something like that” because yes, yes you do. I saw that Snapchat of your overpriced drink this morning with a plastic straw so might I add, you clearly have money. No excuses makes sense besides the fact you hate turtles and want them to die. How can you be so insensitive and coldhearted when you know this is currently the biggest issue in the entire world.

Literally, it is not even fair how much recognition the sea turtles are losing to other things right now. Like OMG, sorry about your carbon emissions damaging the ozone layer that sounds like a you problem. Sea turtles are living creatures dying at your expense because you self-centered imbeciles are off using your deadly plastic straws. Our future can wait, but the plastic straw epidemic can’t. If you don’t see this dilemma as urgent as I do then you are blatantly wrong.

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Lorin Alukonis, junior, is excited for her first year as the features editor on “The Roar” news staff. She enjoys playing club and high school volleyball in her free time as well as late night drives with her friends. Her favorite types of music to listen to are indie pop and throw-back 2000s songs; she also loves meeting new people and becoming friends with everyone. One of her life goals is to explore Europe and learn about the fascinating history and culture.